I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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