My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i believe in u and ur pee
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
