There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
