we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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