If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize