how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
