i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
