Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
