I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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