i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
