I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
