Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
