apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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