Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
