i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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