Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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