Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
