she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
