I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
