I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
