Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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