i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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