she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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