So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
