Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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