...so i touched it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
