Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
