I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize