the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
