eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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