get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
