Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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