Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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