She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
