The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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