I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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