sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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