So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
