I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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