Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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