just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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