I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
vagina is talking i cant
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
