We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
