you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
