omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
