who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
