When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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