can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
