Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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