This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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