I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Your penis caused this!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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