we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
