come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
