i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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