Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
