The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
