i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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