Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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