3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize