just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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