TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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