I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize