so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize