My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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