i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize