you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
