im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
