if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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