oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
