You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
