There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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