i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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