Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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