I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
