Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
