Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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