remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
