ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
