oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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