I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
