Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
