Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
