I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
