At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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