He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
