I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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