You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
