if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
